OK, maybe the title is not entirely accurate but that’s how I feel sometimes. It is in fact fatigue that makes you stupid. The fact that I’m exhausted because of all the time and energy that is required to take care of two children is why I feel my IQ has been getting progressively lower since giving birth four and a half years ago.
I used to go to the movies, concerts, museums and travel. I used to particularly enjoy complicated plots is books or films that would make me think and I liked to discuss my thoughts and opinions on such matters. Now I will go to a movie maybe once a year, if I’m lucky, my last vacation was a couple of days at my parents house in alentejo about 3 years ago, I watch tv shows rathers than movies simply because a movie takes too damn long and when I do watch movies I tend to go for chick flicks or anything that doesn’t require too much attention or thought since I’ll have to keep going back and watch a scene over and over again otherwise – there’s usually too much distraction or I’m too tired to be able to keep up otherwise.
Likewise, the last concert I went to was over four years ago when I was 8 months pregnant. Going out at night has become an impossible luxury and I’m glad we have a nice balcony in our new flat because I can at least step outside and look at the stars once in a while.
I also used to enjoy playing complicated computer games, like Myst and the like, where you have to solve puzzles to move on. Sometimes we’d play for days until the game was done. Now all I bother with is farmville and the like where you just have to click on stuff and can do 3 other things at the same time. It’s boring, annoying and pointless. Why the hell do I even bother? I have no idea. I suppose it’s to kid myself into believing I actually do something that’s ‘fun’ instead of just chores. The problem is that these games are more work than fun so I don’t think I can keep fooling myself much longer.
We’re going to try leaving the kids with the grandparents for a night, for the first time ever, so we can go to a hotel for our 13th wedding anniversary. It’s booked, the travel bed for the baby has been bought. We’ll see…
I love my kids more than anything and would give anything for them but I wonder if I’ll ever get myself back to how I used to be (minus a few years) when they grow up a bit more. I wonder if my brain will be able to take in new information after so long without practice or will I remain permanently stupid? And will I even care anymore?